Living in New York City is stupidly expensive and thankfully I’m making a good living and continue to climb in salary. However, I’m burn out and freaking tired and really just need to create this post to release some tension.
I’ve heard the expression time and time again that money isn’t everything but for a guy who has been 100% broke and struggling I feel with the utmost certainty that money is everything. It’s great not to stress about my next paycheck, robbing Peter to pay Paul and the oh so dreaded “Shit, I can’t pay this bill this month so I won’t.” Hell I even went out and dropped a ton of money on the car I always wanted but happiness lately is hard to come by.
I’m constantly tired, irritable, have little to no appetite and my temper lately has been short to say the least. I feel like a fucking rat in a cage. My average work day is between 14 and 16.5 hours per day. If I’m lucky I can get a solid four hours of sleep during my workdays but it’s been more like 1 to 2 hours lately as it seems I can’t fucking unwind. I hate to admit it but I’ve been severely depressed lately. It’s almost like I’m walking around in a fog. I can’t think straight, forget what I said in simple conversations until reminded and the worst part of this shit is that I don’t see an end in sight anytime soon.
It’s easy to say….”Just get another JOB!” but the reality is that I have no desire to go back to being Just Over Broke again. There is no way and I MEAN NO WAY that I will ever go back to corporate America! It’s simply not an option especially since I’m getting too old for that shit anyway.
I would love to open a side business but I barely have enough time to sleep or think straight so how in the fuck am I supposed to start a business?
I find myself constantly thinking of a way to escape my situation but the best I can do seems to be drinking myself stupid whenever I have the chance. Getting white hair and gained a ton of weight but I really have no desire to do anything else at this point. Work like a fucking slave and wait until I drop dead seems to be the only cards I have to play with.
Yup burnt out and freaking tired is all I am these days. Burn out and more like fucking tired seems more appropriate however. I hope this shit ends soon as I don’t know how much more I’m supposed to fucking take.