The Story of Adam and Eve

The world’s first man and woman. God decided to created Adam to give him dominion over everything that God created as well as to be the groundskeeper of the Garden of Eden. Where is the Garden of Eden? Why so worried about details? Anyway, God decides that it’s not fair for Adam to be alone so he makes Adam go to sleep and grabs one of his ribs to create Eve. Of course, everything was going along nicely until Eve gets seduced by a talking serpent. I don’t know about you but I’ve never seen a talking serpent. The serpent just happens to be Satan himself and Eve decides to eat from the tree of knowledge but also talks Adam into doing the same. What a bitch! Great, now sin and death have entered the world. All Adam and Eve had to do was populate the world but that had to eat some damn mysterious fruit to create death and sin. Anyway God decides that all is not lost. God would in the future send someone to make things right as in the one and Only Jesus Christ. In the meantime if Adam and Eve wanted to approach God they would only have to sacrifice an animal.

So what’s the problem? Well for starters Adam lived to be a ripe old age of NINE HUNDRED AND THIRTY YEARS OLD! For those of you with reading comprehension problems that’s 930 years old. How long did Eve live to be? No clue, there’s no mention of how old she was when she croaked in the “HOLY” texts. Anyway back in those days since it was not uncommon for people to live close to 1,000 years, let’s say that Eve could spit out a kid every week for 900 years. That would be 46,800 kids. (That’s 52 weeks of the year multiplied by 900 years.) Forgetting the breakdown boy to girl ratio one thing is for certain. Brothers were banging sisters, cousins were banging cousins and whatever your perverted minds can think of. So I guess we are all related in one way or another.

You would think that God had thought of genetic defects and would have given some instructions on how to inbreed. Now this gives rise to another question. Why is inbreeding illegal in the grand old U S of A? I mean it was all fine and dandy when God allowed it to happen but not so much now? Cool, don’t bang your sister but bang your 5th cousin on your mothers side.

Is it just me or does this story not seem too well thought out? Wait, before I start getting emails on how the Bible doesn’t state that “others” weren’t created I’ll ask why was it left out? If that was left out what else could have been left out? Perhaps the story of Oreana who was able to give birth to a child every hour for 3,000 years without every having to engage in intercourse, whose offspring made it impossible for birth defects as each child had distinct and drastically different DNA.

The story of Adam and Eve LOL!!!!!!!!! People must have been dumb thousands of years ago but even more so in the year 2013 to actually belive in this crap.

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