Dumb Shit The Bible Says!

The most widely read book in the world each and every year but how many actually read it? For anyone with a basic level of reading comprehension it’s unbelievable to me that very few question the written words. With that being said here is a short list of dumb shit the bible says:

“Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.” — PROVERBS 31:6

Why in the fuck do we have doctors? The Bible is pretty clear on this. If someone is dying give him or her a fucking beer. If a person is simply hurting give the person a glass of wine. I’ll assume both red and white are fine.

“And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.” — ISAIAH 34:7

Unicorns? Did the bible say fucking unicorns? Do I really have to say more?

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother- in-law….” MATTHEW 10:34

Maybe it’s just me but Jesus sounds like a real douche. I guess it was apparent that not everyone would believe that he was the son of God, God or whatever the fuck he’s supposed to be but fuck it. Let families be torn to shreds.

“As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silence in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordinate, as even the law says. If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.” – CORINTHIANS 14:34

Sorry ladies but when in church be sure to shut the fuck up and be sure to ask your hubby should you have questions. Listen I’m not sexist but do as the Bible says!!

“If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” LUKE 14:26

WTF? Jesus sounds like a cult leader if anything. You must pretty much hate everyone close to you and even your own life if you wanted to follow Jesus around and kiss his ass. Loving your father, mother, wife, siblings and merely liking aspects of your life disqualified you from being a disciple.

“Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.” LEVITICUS 19:28

If you love tattoos you’re fucked. The Bible clearly states that getting a tat for a loved one who passed away or getting a tat in general is a clear no no.

“Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man’s brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.” Mark 12:19

If you have a married brother who passed away and he and his wife didn’t have children you need to get your ass over to your former sister in laws house, bang the shit out of her and drop loads until you knock her up. ROFL you have got to be kidding me.

Yes the above is a list of dumb shit the Bible says but it could also be called a list of disturbing shit the Bible says. What I find amusing is that in today’s age many people do exactly what is forbidden but also don’t do what the Bible says is allowed.

Perhaps in another 2000 years people will realize that a book of fairy tales and bullshit is nothing more than a book of fairy tales and bullshit. However there will probably still be religious zealots who will continue to pick and choose what to follow and what not to follow yet call themselves religious.

Why Socialism is Retarded!

As time continue it’s seems more and more people that I speak with are in favor of socialism which means that I’ve been speaking to more retarded people than usual. Socialists come in all different sizes, shapes and flavors but what I’ve found is that the people that I speak to about most about socialism tend to be, for lack of a better term, unsuccessful.

You know those people who stay in the same dead end job and day dream about what it would be like to make more money or have a better work position yet do nothing to improve their situations yet have a great deal of entitlement.

I had a conversation with a former colleague that I worked with close to a decade ago and his reasoning as a pro socialist was so utterly retarded and lacking in logic that I had I began to think that he must have some sort of tumor developing in his brain.

We were speaking about the salaries of CEO’s when he went on this long rambling tirade that CEO’s are way overpaid and since it’s the worker who is responsible for the wealth of the company and it’s the workers that provide for those at the top of the company to earn such hefty salaries that it would be a much better idea to have those at the top make less and have pretty much all of the profit disbursed among the workers. That in our current capitalistic society corporations are nothing more than a pyramid and as I should know pyramid schemes are illegal. Therefor corporations should be illegal as those at the bottom of the company will never be able to earn as much as upper management.

I asked one simple question that he could not answer which I found to be both comical and aggravating at the same time. The simple question that I asked is that if the workers were being compensated pretty much the same regardless of the amount of hard work they put in what was the incentive to work hard at all? It’s simply fact that no matter what type of business one works in there is always those people aka slackers. Slackers who do the bare minimum but get paid the same as the guy in the cubical next to him or her that has to work that much harder to pick up the slack. Whereas in our current capitalistic system the slacker gets fired and the guy or gal who picks up the slack gets a promotion in a socialistic society the slacker is viewed as less intelligent and not as capable so therefore the slacker should receive the same benefit as it’s not his or her fault.

Socialism lovers seem to hate CEO’s making millions of dollars yet fail to see what the CEO did in order to attain that level of success. Big deal, that guy come from nothing, paid his or her own way through college and graduate school, worked a full time internship while working a full time job, started in the mail room and through hard work and dedication climbed the corporate ladder. Socialism lovers fail to see that this same person would have never had the desire to do what I described above as success should have just been handed to him or her.

If you don’t agree show me one thriving socialism based society which I know can’t be done as it doesn’t exist!